Over the years I have heard people say that the pain of losing someone gets easier to live with. But does it really? I think the answer is yes and no. I believe life keeps moving, and because of that we do not constantly concentrate on our grief. In that way, life becomes easier to live. But then out of nowhere, a memory or special day can bring it all rushing back.

Two days ago was Mother’s Day, and I missed my mom so much. It has been six years since she passed away. I think of her daily, but I have learned to live without her beside me. I felt like I was going to be okay until I realized that Mark and my anniversary was only ten days away. He would not be here to celebrate with me. Then I thought about the fact that June 14 is right around the corner. In just thirty-five days, it will be one year since he left us.

Suddenly it all felt like too much. The grief was overwhelming in every part of my being.

Lying alone in bed, I found myself wishing life would just be over forever. I did not want to face another day filled with sorrow. I was struggling to survive one day at a time and feeling incredibly lonely, even though Bryce was sleeping in the next room. Thoughts of running away or ending it all rushed through my mind. Deep down I knew the thoughts were not rational, but they lingered in the back of my brain. I needed a solution. I needed the thoughts to stop.

I went online and typed, “How do you survive when you feel isolated and lonely?” Different suggestions and resources came up. While scrolling through Facebook, I saw three different ads about making faceless income with Pinterest pins. The problem was that every ad required money to learn the solution. I did not have money to spend just to find out how to make money.

So I turned to ChatGPT and asked it to create an ebook about making income with faceless Pinterest pins. The first draft was short and vague. I wanted real step-by-step instructions explaining how it could actually be done. Eventually I got that, but then another question hit me: What was I supposed to do with it? If I sold it as an ebook, how would I be any different from the people charging for classes about how to make money online?

I decided it was time to stop focusing on the ebook idea and start actually trying to make money through Pinterest itself.

That is when I remembered my Benable account and website. Over the past couple of days I have been working on both again, restarting something I had completely given up on during the last few months. I had once been doing well with it, but everything changed when Bryce and I started living in the car. After we finally found a room to stay in, I thought I would pick things back up again. Sadly, I just did not have the energy. My computer sat untouched. I had no energy to write, no energy to improve my life, and sometimes no energy even to get out of bed and sit in front of the screen. My brain simply did not seem capable of doing any more.

At least that was true until the night I cried because I felt so isolated and alone.

Now I have added new content to Pinterest, Benable, and my website. The truth is that while I am exhausted, I also feel proud of myself. I got up, told myself I was going to accomplish something, and I did. Slowly, I am reconnecting the broken pieces and starting the journey toward making money online and lifting myself back up again.