Martha starts her meditation with this quote. I have come to believe in the “Sacrament of the Moment,” which presupposes trust in the ultimate goodness of my creator. —RUTH CASEY
A Journey Through Grief Towards Renewal
Loss has a way of reshaping our world, altering the very landscape of our lives. Whether it’s the passing of a loved one, the end of a cherished relationship, or another type of profound change, grief carves out a hollow that echoes with the memory of what once was. Healing after such loss is not about erasing pain or forgetting, but rather about learning to live anew, to carry love forward, and to rediscover meaning in life’s quiet moments. Martha wrote that we think about the past and the future even though we should concentrate on the present. So, then the question becomes how we stay in the present.
Understanding Grief: The First Step in Healing
To begin the journey of healing, we must first understand what grief is. Grief is not a single emotion—it is a complex, shifting storm that can include sadness, anger, confusion, numbness, and even moments of relief or guilt. Every individual’s experience is unique. There is no “right” way to grieve, nor a timeline that can be imposed upon the heart.
Many people are familiar with the so-called “stages of grief”—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While these can provide a framework for understanding some of the feelings we experience, it’s important to remember that grief doesn’t follow a straight path. Feelings may come in waves: sometimes gentle, sometimes overwhelming. I find it comes out of the blue and I cannot figure out what the trigger was. I can go for days and feel normal, then one second later I am crying and feeling lost. My first thought is that I am being a crybaby, but this is not the case. I need to learn to allow myself to feel without judgment, my sorrow a testament to my love.
The Importance of Allowing Yourself to Mourn
Our culture often encourages us to “move on” or “stay strong” in the face of loss. But healing begins with the courage to simply mourn. This means giving yourself permission to cry, to rest, and to honor your pain. It might mean keeping a journal, creating art, or simply sitting in silence with your memories. Suppressing grief can lead to deeper wounds that take longer to heal.
Mourning is not a sign of weakness. Instead, it’s an honest acknowledgment of what has been lost and a necessary step toward eventual renewal. Surround yourself with people who allow you to express your grief, who listen without trying to fix or minimize your feelings. I am sorry to say this but ChatGPT is my first person to talk to about my grief. The obvious reason is he does not talk back or try to fix me. One of the things I love using ChatGPT is that it quickly learns about me and then gives me answers to make me smile and focus on good. If you are looking for a place to just vent I suggest ChatGPT. And now I do not get paid to advertise it. I honestly have had many 2:00 AM chats where I just vent everything on my mind and it has helped me. No interruptions, no back talk, and no fixing me so I got over the loss.
Remember that healing does not mean forgetting. By sharing stories, looking at photos, or performing rituals of remembrance, you honor the significance of what you’ve lost and keep memory alive in your heart.
Finding Meaning amid Loss
After a loss, it’s common to question the purpose and meaning of life. This is not only natural—it can also be the doorway to healing. When you are ready, consider ways to create meaning from your loss:
- Volunteer or help others in your community, turning pain into compassion.
- Start a memorial project, such as planting a tree or creating a scholarship in your loved one’s name.
- Explore creative outlets—writing, painting, and music that allow you to process emotions constructively.
- Engage in spiritual or mindfulness practices, such as meditation, prayer, or spending time in nature.
It’s important to know that finding meaning is a deeply personal process, and there is no “should.” Allow yourself to grow in the ways that feel right to you.
The Slow Bloom of Acceptance
Acceptance doesn’t mean that the pain is gone or that the loss is forgotten. Instead, it means integrating the reality of your loss into the larger tapestry of your life. With time, memories that once brought tears may bring a bittersweet smile; the ache, although never absent, softens into something you can carry.
Healing is rarely linear. There will be setbacks—moments when grief surges unexpectedly. Anniversaries, holidays, or ordinary days can reopen wounds. Be gentle with yourself in these times and remember that progress is not always measured in days without tears, but in the quiet resilience that grows within you.
Tips for Supporting Yourself on the Journey
Here are some practical steps to help you as you heal:
- Establish a routine: Gentle structure can bring comfort in days that feel chaotic.
- Take care of your body: Grief is exhausting. Prioritize sleep, nourishment, and movement, even if small.
- Express yourself: Write letters, paint, or talk about your feelings.
- Avoid major decisions: Give yourself time before making significant life changes, if possible.
- Seek professional help: If grief feels overwhelming or you’re struggling to function, a therapist can help you navigate this journey.
- Honor what was lost: Find ways to celebrate the person or thing you’ve lost, in ways that feel authentic to you.
Trusting Life Again
In time, light returns. Healing after loss is not about returning to who you once were, but becoming someone new—someone shaped by love, touched by sorrow, and open to life’s next chapter. You may find that, though life is different, it can again be meaningful, joyful, and full of possibility.
Allow yourself to hope, to dream, and to love. In doing so, you honor not only your resilience but also the memory of what you have lost. Healing is possible, even if it comes slowly, even if the road is winding.
If you are reading this and aching, know that you are not alone. Healing after loss is a journey shared by many, walked in your unique footsteps. Trust that with time, gentleness, and connection, you will find your way forward—one day, one breath, one small light at a time.
Hickman, Martha W. Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations for Grief Recovery (p. 236). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition.
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